There is an endless list of things that you don’t know what happens to you after you have your baby. We all ponder about pregnancy as we’re awaiting our babes and we question birth because we think that’s the next big thing. But in reality those are the easy parts. We may get morning sickness or the worlds worst heartburn but I don’t think anything compares to how we feel mentally after giving birth.
Hours after being born.
At first we’re excited to have pushed that baby out because well…those last few days are filled with nothing but anxiety and impatience! I was lucky enough to have popped right on the due date I was given since finding out I was pregnant. Some women get an unexpected surprise weeks or days early and some moms are a little late. But the excitement and LOVE that overwhelms us when we see our little one is an absolute high that you cannot shake off. We’re in love like never before and we ignore the fact that our stomach is being pumped while we’re holding our baby because they need to get the placenta and excess junk out. Blehhh. But all our attention is on them!
Then we’re home and we’re relieved to be able to be in the comfort of our own home. But instead of being woken up by nurses and doctors every night we’re woken up by our new baby. And this is where the real struggle begins. As happy as we are about our little babe, we have to admit that feeding and caring for them is a real job. It’s WORK. Some of our husbands go back to work and carry on and we stay home with our new baby (a living human being!!). As much as we try to read about motherhood in books and get prepared by reading WebMD, every baby is different.
Lili latched on pretty well but she always had bad gas and tummy issues that made her spit up after every feeding, EVERY FEEDING. Breastfeeding is hard! It hurts and we become sore and engorged and we leak everywhere. If our baby cried we leak, if we cry we leak, when we’re out grocery shopping we leak, there’s no forewarning- we just leak! The mom life is not glamorous, I would wear the same shirt 3 days in a row sometimes because there was no point in changing every time Lili would burp something out. And don’t get me started on how many times their poop goes all up their back (or on your bed) and you have to bathe them in the middle of the night and it breaks your heart because they’re suffering discomfort and you’re suffering from sleep deprivation.
Some time passes and I was able to have somewhat of a routine and figure out when I could shower, do laundry, and fit in some alone time. Thank goodness for Matt because he was amazing help, he froze meals for us before Lili was born, he’d boil her bottles, empty out the diaper genie, and would feed her at night sometimes from the breast milk I would freeze. He’d keep her for a couple of hours so I could get alone time or take a nap. It’s definitely a two person job! (Mad respect for all the single parents!🙌🏼) Then there were the times when I became worried about my body and what I looked like- stretch marks, flabby gut that hadn’t snapped back, all the hair I was losing, and I was also losing so much weight from breastfeeding and that worried me because I’m already a small person as it is so I almost looked unhealthy. I started drinking Ensures just to keep some weight on but it only helped a bit. Soon enough I’d just cry sometimes from all the change physically and life in general. And you even feel bad crying about it because you love your baby so much but you didn’t realize how much work it would take.
When we moved to St. Louis I began to have more of a positive outlook on myself, being a mom was something that I would always be and I started to join the YMCA and I met a few other mom’s. Soon after I started my first job since having Lili and I couldn’t believe how easy it was for me to become a working woman and a mom! After 2 years of having her I realized how much I was truly embracing both roles. There were a lot of negative moments but also a lot of positive moments. I am forever grateful to have been able to be a stay-at-home mom for her first 18 months and breastfeed her for 17 months! Thanks to my husband!!! I experienced her sitting up, crawling, taking her first steps, feeding her real food, and loving on her everyday. My husband and I were obsessed with snapchat because I could send him videos and photos every single day! I know that there are a lot of parents that don’t get the luxury of staying at home so I became very very thankful for it, and still am.
Now after 3 years I am fully fully me! I still cry every now and then but it’s mostly because I cannot believe the things she is achieving on her own and also the things that I too am achieving on my own. We are all truly accomplishing many things together as a family and I know Matt will always be there for me through my times of sadness as well as my times of happiness.
So to all the moms out there who are going through motherhood I hope some of my situations made you feel better. We just gotta get our groove back, find balance, and keep on truckin’. Find yourself and determine what kind of woman and mom and wife you want to be for your family. There’s going to be times when we screw up or are slacking but we’re all here for a reason, OUR CHILDREN, and we’re already kicking ass raising our children so props to us! Pump that milk and have that glass of wine girl!🍷🍼
All the love 🥂,